Andrew Eccles/BRAVOWelcome back to Real Housewife of New York Bethenny Frankel's exclusive blog about The Real Housewives of New Jersey, which debuted last week on Bravo. Bethenny will be blogging exclusively for E! Online every Wednesday, dishing about the craziness that goes down with these Jersey girls each week. Here's her second installment, for episode two.
Take it away Bethenny...
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Well, I was wrong. I thought this five-car pileup would be "White-lanta"—a show where the women seem to really play up the drama for ratings (which does work, by the way).
Instead, bravo to Bravo TV because, for better or for worse, I'm getting the sense that these ladies are being exactly who they are. I'm starting to like this show, and between the absurd antics, there are a lot of human moments.
Here we go again...
Jacqueline is genuinely a nice person with a spoiled daughter, which isn't really very original or different than many households. Teresa just seems like a ditzy brunette who lives in the wonderful world of ignorant bliss. I imagine if I had a lobotomy, life would be like this: filled with glittery, matching pink tutus, paying in cash, living in the Borgata Hotel & Casino, being sweet and nice to everybody and happy about everything. The flaw I see here is the creation of small, spoiled, rhinestone-covered future shopping monsters. Admittedly I was raised by wolves. But as a child, who cared about clothes and shopping and lip gloss?
Yuck. Even now, I go to Starbucks in pajamas, so maybe I'm the wrong one to comment on this, but I find it dreadful to constantly shop to have the most current event outfits with all the bells and whistles to match. Childhood is the time to play in dirt and live your life outside. I was roller-skating and playing stickball, and unfortunately, hanging out at the racetrack. The mall would have been torture. Those little girls were a bit torturous, rambunctious and oh-so-precocious in that children's boutique. Let's set up a double date with the Van Kempens so the parents can all match clothing and the children can burn down the restaurant.
In typical cliché, pageant fashion, Teresa is a stage mom who pays cash. Perfect. A house full of marble and Louis Vuitton bags for every day of the week. More perfect.
Now onto the friendship of Danielle and Jacqueline. Did I really see Jacqueline in an off-the-shoulder, Flashdance gray T-shirt? Excellent. Danielle is some mixed bag. She is so desperate to be included in the Italian stallion clan that it is a bit creepy. Then I'm conflicted because she seems to have very well-mannered children. I found it inappropriate for her to be disciplining Ashley; however, when comparing their offspring, Jacqueline could use the help. It is my opinion that Danielle is too open, and inappropriately, too honest with her children.
But I knew every dysfunctional moment of my toxic abusive past. It oddly makes you grounded and prepared to deal with anything. Ashley might break down if her bra strap was showing. Danielle's daughters undoubtedly know about their financial woes and their mother's massive issues, and I'll bet you dollars to doughnuts they'll be prepared for the battles that life presents them.
Incidentally, Danielle's daughters are gorgeous. Danielle must have been some hottie in her day. She ebbs and flows from making me want to cringe when kissing Dina's ass to liking her incredible honesty when asking her date for a shag in the bathroom. Just be honest. I may not agree, but I can't fight with honesty.
Oh, how I love Caroline! I thought she would bring on the female gangster drama, but she and her family are just lovable and lovely. I love her, her husband, her goofy sons and her sweet and simple daughter. I loved their sausage and pepper dinner and the fact that none of it looked like they were trying to be or do anything. Caroline and I would get along like a house on fire. I like their efforts to give their high school graduate discipline. "Apparently Alaska and Canada are continents" is beyond hilarious.
Truth be told, after high school, I didn't even know there was a bigger picture. I thought I would be married by 24. For the time being, I could just drink wine coolers, sneak into nightclubs and work at odd jobs to get by. I had no clue. I always worked, but with no clue.
This show emphasizes family more than any of them. Again, they put family first. Other Housewives casts may put them as equals, but somehow everyone else always seems to be a narcissist. I would be as guilty as any since my life is mostly about me with no family, spouse or children. That is to be determined at the moment.
Please embrace the scene with Gia, Teresa and Lisa Regina. Those names are straight out of a script in Tony and Tina's Wedding. Children and acting scares me. It is hypocritical because I so badly wanted to be a performer as a child (and Gia seems to want it). This is just a potentially Lindsay-like, scary road.
Danielle speaking to her husband about being his "financial prisoner" and her difficult dependent situation is rough, and she oddly spoke rationally. She has many sides to her, and it is a bit creepy and scary, being dependent on a man.
These shows reinforce so many social issues. Marry for money and you may end up paying for the rest of your life. Or be like me and focus on your career, and you may be 38, childless and talking to Jacqueline about her fertility doctor.
Speaking of which, how can I not feel for a woman who desperately wants more children but can't have them? Jacqueline is so sweet. Her husband doesn't seem to be around that much, and she seems to be happy with her life and love her family. Her daughter was very helpful, logical and rational in saying that she should be grateful to have children. She even made me realize how ideal having both a girl and a boy is. I know I can be negative, but I can't say anything here. Four miscarriages is horrendous, and I can't imagine having massive anxiety every time you're pregnant.
I'm no spring chicken, and I would just pray to not have to endure such torture. I will say a prayer for her. Wait, I take back that?I can't say anything. It was a bit odd that she wouldn't let Ashley come with her into the doctor's office because it was personal. However, some strange sound and camera guy were OK. I will still give her the benefit of the doubt that she didn't want her daughter to see her that way.
And let's discuss Dina's absent husband, too. It is interesting that this show makes up for absent husbands with ever-present children. Dina's husband wants no part of this show, which is why he didn't even shoot the opening with her. Take it from someone who knows.
I loved her new assistant. I loved her questions and the payment with hugs and kisses. Adorable. I also like that she probably doesn't have to work but goes into "bitch mode" for her charity event. I love that she was quickly doing her own makeup with the event as a priority, and that her family pulled together to help her. I can see some people not expecting to always be put to work. All in all, I can't help her, and that line about Danielle wearing her skin "like last year's Versace" is simply beyond hilarious. I still think Danielle is the odd bird. She seems like a good mother when running with her daughters. She's in great shape when clothed, but what was up with that 26-year-old guy with the pinky ring? By the way, he looks older than her.
Loving that in the coming attractions Danielle gets tough and says about Dina, "I know way too much about her." Now you've got us hooked. I am on the Jersey train, and I am holding on to that handle.
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Check back here, same time, same place, for a recap of next week's The Real Housewives of New Jersey. Bethenny Frankel is the inventor of the Skinnygirl Margarita and author of the New York Times best-seller Naturally Thin, available everywhere books are sold. Information, updates and recipes can be found at www.bethenny.com and www.skinnygirlcocktails.com.