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Susan Boyle may not have dreamed the dream of being a dancing queen, but that's not stopping her from performing alongside a few of them.

The Britain's Got Talent phenom is making her way back to the States to perform on next week's Dancing with the Stars, People reports. No word on what the Scottish songstress will sing, but we're willing to bet she'll grace the stage in her glamorous new get-up.

And Boyle's brother says the reality show runner-up is just as excited as we are. "She loves America and loves the people," says John Boyle. "She appreciates their honesty."

Boyle's debut album I Dreamed a Dream hits stores Monday, Nov. 23.

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It's down to the final five on DWTS this week. Take a peek at some of their rehearsals.

Frazer Harrison/Getty Images; ABC/ Ida Mae Astute; James Devaney/Getty Images; John Shearer/Getty Images

It was ladies' week in Hollywood (and related environs) as real stars like Rihanna and Mariah Carey opened up on TV about serious, emotional issues; celebish types like Kate Gosselin rehashed stories we already know, but with more tears; and nonentity (in Hollywood and related environs) Nicole Forrester talked about having a one-night stand with Fergie's man.

Hey, to each her own.

Read on for your complete week in review...

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ABC/ Ida Mae Astute

Even if she had never met Chris Brown, Rihanna knew how domestic abuse could turn into a vicious cycle.

"I always anticipated it happening. At night I wouldn't want to sleep, because I was too afraid it would happen," the singer said in the portion of her ABC News interview that aired on 20/20 tonight, referring to her father hitting her mother when she was a child growing up in Barbados.

"She never went to the hospital, but he broke her nose.," Rihanna continued. "She would never go to the hospital...Domestic violence is not somebody that people want anbody to know, so she would just hide it in the house. I always said to myself, 'I'm never going to date somebody like my dad, never.'

"I always said that."

And yet she not only dated someone who hit her, she went back to him after the fact.

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Edward Cullen? All kinds of melodramatic romantic. Robert Pattinson? Not so much, at least, according to Robert Pattinson.

"I really haven't done that many romantic things in my life...I mean, I've watched Titanic," he said today at a press conference promoting New Moon, the second part in, like, only the most important movie series like ever. Another shocking reveal: The actor-musician, who even had a song on the Twilight soundtrack, has never serenaded anyone.

"Oh no. You need to have so much balls to do that, Jesus Christ," he said. "I put a flower on someone's locker when I was 15."

What else did Pattz reveal? Oh, so much...

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ABC snagged Rihanna, leaving MTV... with Chris Brown.

But the network and the fallen R&B star made the most of the opportunity tonight with a half-hour special that gave Brown a chance to reflect even more upon his endlessly reflected-upon crime.

So did he have anything new to say this time?

Well, Brown's position has been to not discuss what exactly happened the night he assaulted his then-girlfriend, turning him into a celeb-gossip pariah before the sun had risen the next day.

But Rihanna did go into detail about the attack, however, and MTV gave Brown the opportunity to respond to what Rihanna was dishing out to Diane Sawyer.

"While I respect Rihanna's right to discuss the specific events of February 8th, I maintain my position that all of the details should remain a private matter between us," he said in a statement to MTV today.

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Look who's coming around after all.

Joe Jackson, who previously said that he spends most of his time in Las Vegas and that his estranged wife, Katherine, would handle the raising of Michael Jackson's children, is now petitioning the estate for his own monthly stipend.

Saying he has no steady source of income aside from $1,700 a month from Social Security, Jackson stated in court documents that he had relied on his son for support up until the King of Pop's death. Michael gave money to his mom, which she in turn, acting as an agreed-upon go-between, gave to Joe.

Michael did not provide for Joe in his will, rather splitting his estate among his mother, children and various charities.

But that doesn't mean the King of Pop's estate is legally prohibited from providing for Joe, his lawyers insist.

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Universal Republic

It isn't out until Tuesday, but we've got it right here.

The little earthquake you're feeling is the rumblings of Midwinter Graces, Tori Amos' 11th studio album and her first seasonal compilation.

Get primed for the winter holidays (already?!) with tunes twisted Tori-style, including "What Child, Nowell," "Harps of Gold," "Snow Angel" and "Our New Year."

Christmas with an edge, we're calling it.

The 12-track album (not including bonus material) doesn't drop until Nov. 10, but we've got every lush chord and wistful lyric right after the jump.

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Kevin Mazur/Getty Images

Hey, we've got an opening monologue for Taylor Swift.

"Hi, I'm Taylor Swift, as you know," the teen titan could start off with on tomorrow's Saturday Night Live. "And I'd like to thank Kanye West for helping you know that."

OK, so the lines aren't funny. But they are true.

The SNL gig—as host and musical guest? The honor of being the first female country performer to pull that desirable double duty since Dolly Parton more than 20 years ago? The album that's been out forever and is back climbing the charts?

Yup, somebody owes Mr. West a muffin basket.

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Comedy is all about timing. Unfortunately, Brüno's stank.

Days after Michael Jackson's June 25 death—just two weeks before Sacha Baron Cohen's raunchfest was set to premiere—filmmakers scrambled to remove a scene that could have been deemed distasteful, even by their standards. The flamboyant Austrian fashion plate lured La Toya Jackson to a Hollywood home, sat her on a Mexican laborer, made her eat sushi off the nude body of another, shanghaied her BlackBerry and read out Michael's number, all after asking her to impersonate him.

But what a difference four months makes.

Now, like Edward and Bella or Suri Cruise and seasonally inappropriate garb, Brüno and La Toya are once again back together, with the cut scene restored for the film's forthcoming home video release. But not before resurfacing exclusively right here!

Though if it all seems a little familiar, there's a good reason for that...

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The paper trail may have been long but at least they're all signed.

Usher and Tameka Foster finalized their divorce on Wednesday.

The star first made his confessions filed for divorce in June, citing "irreconcilable differences" and declaring they had lived apart for nearly a year and that the marriage was "irretrievably broken."

The 31-year-old star married the stylist in August 2007, and their son, Usher Raymond V, was born a few months later. Their second son, Naviyd Ely Raymond, arrived in December 2008.

Usher filed for joint custody, but the arrangements have not been made public.

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They aren't the only ones to call it quits this year. Keep up in our Big Celebrity Splits gallery.

Despite all that's happened, Rihanna doesn't hate Chris Brown.

In fact, she still loves him.

"I don't hate him at all," she tells Diane Sawyer on Good Morning America. "I actually love and care about him and I'm concerned about him doing well. I want him to do well, have a great career, have a great life and grow up, and just take this as something that you had to go through to grow up and learn."

She may wish him the best, but neither this morning nor yesterday morning did she mention the words forgiveness, reconciliation or rekindle, although those are topics supposedly set to be tackled on tonight's 20/20 special.

The singer did, however, explain some of what happened in the car that fateful February night.

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Shat happens.

Most recently, on Wednesday night, when William Shatner gifted the viral video gods with yet another dramatic interpretation of awe-inspiring tweets, this time seemingly from the mind and keyboard of pro leg-spreader Levi Johnston.

Only they weren't.

"We'd been following Levi on Twitter and felt his gift for the written word needed to be shared with the world," Conan O'Brien explained. "Today I wake up very late, I sleep in, and I got some shocking news: Apparently the tweets that we read are counterfeit. They were written by a clever imposter posing as the witty Levi Johnston.

"And the real Levi is angry with us now."

So what better way to redress the balance than by inviting the beat poet extraordinaire back out to the stage to reinterpret some bona fide Johnston sound bites.

"The first thing Sarah said to me at the hotel was, You gotta cut your hair," the Shatman recited. "I told her I didn't want to. I had a mullet at the time.

"Guess what? I shot a bigass bear," he went on. "I just get naked, that's what I do."

On second thought, he might have been better off laying claim to the counterfeit quotes.

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Want more funny videos? Check out the offerings from resident funnylady Chelsea Handler!