Morning Piss: Pet Your Inner Cougar

Fri., Oct. 31, 2008 5:22 AM PDT by Ted Casablanca

Paul Fenton/ZumaPress.com; BIG Australia/ Flynetonline.com

Apparently, you, my PO'd, potty-mouthed readers, are far more pissed at Nicole Kidman than am I—and for different reasons. I've been bitching about her less-than-stellar bodyguard policies for so long (and I've become friggin' immune, practically, to her frozen face now) that you all had to remind me how sad things really have gotten:

"Someone needs to tell her [Kidman's face] looks awful. It's plain to see she is surrounded by yes people," wrote Mary. "[Kidman's] face is smooth and without lines, soon to be without features. Her lips look like the spare tire on my jeep," sassed Jim Morrison.

Now, Nic, we're bitching because we love you, don't you know that? But please, we beg of you, take a page from the career of the similarly aged Courteney Cox Arquette, who just announced her plans to star in Cougar Town, a show about a 40ish gal struggling with the same crap you're struggling with in real life, Ms. Kidman, only with buckets more green and a celebrity hubby.

But the point remains: Do as CCA's doing and embrace your current status, and stop running so tragically in the opposite direction. Also, return those lips to Angelina Jolie, she wants them back.

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