Bitch Back! Blind Vice's Got Y'all Blinding Mad

Mon., Aug. 25, 2008 9:33 AM PDT by

Michael Phelps, Gwen Stefani Chris Ivin/Getty Images; Dan Herrick-KPA/ZUMAPress.com

Dear Ted:
Gwen Stefani has got to be kidding. Zuma Nesta Rock Rossdale. Is this a weird joke? Zuma is a game I play on the computer. Someone had to be doing major drugs when they came up with this name.
—Momma Kris

Dear Rock-a-bye Babe:
I dunno, would you rather: Zuma or Tallulah? Love the "Rock Rossdale."

Dear Ted:
Oh Great Poo-Bah of Hollywood Hype, could you please tell me why I receive your column a day late? I know we are three hours ahead of the west coast, but before "the change" (which I love by the way...yellow makes me feel good) the column always appeared on the right day! Help? Also, I have noticed lately that Giuliana hasn't been wearing her wedding ring...please say that everything is OK with that beautiful couple!
—E Cramer

Dear E!-Fused:
Just give us a little time to wake up out here in Cali. We stay up too late watching The Hills reruns. And that bitch Giuliana wouldn't budge last I asked 'bout the missing ring, so you're on your own there, cupcake.

Dear Ted:
Hope married life is treating you well...My hubby is being a royal pain in the ass the past couple of days. Anyhow, the old B.V. with Crisp Lisp is Ludacris! Am I close? Could we get an update on Crisp, or is he just chilling and laying low? Thanks for the guilty pleasure!
—Kristen, Houston

Dear Southern Hospitality:
We're all pains in the asses at some point, right? And sometimes in a de-lish, way, eh? As to Crisp, love, please, think less doable, by far.

Dear Ted:
What's with the new layout? I'm so confused. I miss looking forward to Friday, then the daily morning updates. There's too much to keep up with now.
—Gmarchesani

Dear Can't Take It:
Just learn to click a few more times throughout the day, love-buns. Almost as much fun as waiting for Michael Phelps to tell us who's really stuffing his Speedo.

Dear Ted:
I have accepted that this new format is here to stay. But I have to tell you, not posting the B.V. on Friday mornings really sucks. Are you in cahoots with my employers to force me to work on Fridays now? It's a huge disappointment that I no longer have the opportunity to settle in with my bagel and get to snooping on Friday. Now I settle in with my bagel and stare at a spreadsheet. Please, go back to posting the Vice on Friday morning—it would mean so much to slackers everywhere! Love Truth, Lies & Ted—it's so nice to see your pretty face!
—Steph

Dear TGIEFFED:
Since you said my old puss is pretty (hey, I'm easy, just like Brody Jenner), my techies and I will def try and get it up by Friday morning. Just for you.

—With additional English-effing reportage by Taryn Ryder

Read More

Print Share on Facebook Share 3 Comments
filed under bitch-back

3 Comments

Now loading...

Add Your Comment!

Guests

E! Online members

Register | Forgot password?

Play nice and have fun. And please, no HTML tags or special characters including [&*#()!@$].
You've got 1000 characters left.

Post Comment
Hello, you either have JavaScript turned off or an old version of Adobe's Flash Player. Get the latest Flash player.

Tell Ted All About It

Got a hot tip or bitch? Share it, and you might see it here!

Our Partners

  • PopSugar
  • BuzzSugar

Get Your E! News Now

Text ENEWS to 4INFO (44636) for daily celeb news alerts

Standard messaging rates apply.

Did you know you can grab smokin' hot E! Online news, review and gossip through our RSS service?

New to RSS feeds? Learn more >>

Birthdate:

Enter your full birthdate:

  • Opt in for Breaking News Alerts

has been subscribed to the E! News Now Newsletter.

To change your settings, go to your preferences.

Awful Truth Archives

Click Here to check out The Awful Truth Archive.

Hello, you either have JavaScript turned off or an old version of Adobe's Flash Player. Get the latest Flash player.