Ask the Answer B!tch

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Wasn't there a story years ago about M.J. wanting to freeze himself after death? Is there a possibility of that happening?
—T. Ellsworth, via Facebook

A family friend—a title that seems to apply to everyone—told the press in 2005 that Michael Jackson did explore cryogenic preservation during his child-molestation trial. Michael Luckman claimed that Jackson was so afraid of dying in prison he planned to have his body frozen so that it could be brought back at a later date.

A Jackson family attorney didn't comment at the time. As for whether that might happen now, the family hasn't indicated any penchant for freezing the pop icon.

This by far isn't the only outstanding question about Jackson. Here are some more, plus—hey, bonus!—some answers.

Some loser joked about M.J.'s nose falling off on stage when he was awake, is it true?
—305_milli_x0x0, via Twitter

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Weren't the Jackson family Jehovah's Witnesses? How will that affect the funeral?
—Bet

Other fans are asking me similar questions, but instead wondering whether Michael Jackson's funeral may be Muslim. See, in 2007, his brother Jermaine Jackson told the media that Michael had shown interest in the religion, and there was brief speculation that Jackson converted from Jehovah's Witness to Islam.

Now, we know this: (a) There will be no memorial service at Neverland, (b) there might be some kind of Jackson-related event on Tuesday at the Staples Center, (c) his body is waiting at Forest Lawn cemetery in Los Angeles, and (d) there are signs of a private family service on Sunday, possibly the funeral.

However, of the two religions mentioned above, if the funeral is religious at all, it will probably swing toward...

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Now that M.J. is dead, who has the rights to the Beatles songs—and will we be able to buy them on iTunes?
—Casey

The publishing rights to most of the Beatles' biggest hits are owned by one entity, a joint venture between the late Michael Jackson and the music arm of Sony Corp. It's called Sony/ATV, and it also owns the rights to songs written by Bob Dylan, Neil Diamond, Taylor Swift and, oh yes, the Jonas Brothers.

But Sony/ATV does not handle the recordings of Beatles songs. Two other companies do that, so whether you'll ever download "Come Together" off of iTunes has nothing to do with M.J.'s death. I'll have more info on that for you later in this story.

As for what happens to Jackson's portion of that legendary publishing catalog, welcome to the big, hot mess that is Jacko's estate...

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Jim Ruyman/Reuters

I'm reading all of these awful stories about Michael Jackson in the press. How come they are so mean? He lived the way he wanted to live, and who are we to judge him?
—Anna

OK, here's a question for you: Why is Michael Jackson God all of a sudden? Between swooning (even suicidal) fans and some nearly hysterical celebrities, it's become a near crime to even mention some of the darker facts surrounding Jackson's life:

His trial and acquittal, his debts, his propensity for sleeping in the same bed with minors to whom he was unrelated. Speaking about these things isn't "judging," and it isn't the product of "haters," as the sanctimonious white knights of the Internets have put it. It's a historical record—neither "mean" nor nice—of a public figure.

You wouldn't know that from the way people are behaving, of course—Transformers actor Tyrese Gibson has even ordered fellow performers to cease to speak publicly unless it's to praise Michael Jackson.

Why is the world losing its collective ability for balanced thinking?

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Davidson/GoffINF.com

Is it true that Michael Jackson wasn't the dad of some of his kids? If they aren't related to him at all, how can Michael's mom get custody of them?
—Capon

It's been assumed for years that Prince Michael and Paris are not biologically related to the late star—reports have been floating around since at least 2004, when newspapers worldwide picked up on a tabloid report citing court papers filed by Jackson's ex-wife Debbie Rowe.

The new rumor surfacing, of course, is that the mystery dad now allegedly has a name, face and profession. Us Weekly magazine is claiming he is Arnold Klein, the dermatologist who treated Jackson's reported skin disorder.

If these reports are true, what might that eventually mean when it comes to custody of Prince and Paris? Well...

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Element/Fame Pictures

Do celebrities really get a say in who plays them in the biopic? Did Joan Jett really "pick" Kristin Stewart?
—AntidoteProject, via Twitter

Most of the time—assuming that the subjects are still alive—they get no binding say in who plays them. Then again, most producers aren't stupid, at least in this area. They'll often seek out a "blessing" from the subject, along with a bunch of meetings between the actor and the subject that can later be used for cutesy talking points.

Producers hate to give up creative control of a project, but they really, really don't want to piss off the subject of a biopic. Otherwise the icon might take to the Internets and crack off about how non-iconic that rotten young punk of an actor was.

Not that Joan Jett seems to have a problem with Kristen Stewart wearing her hair and leather in The Runaways. In fact...

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Reuters/Fabrizio Bensch

Who will look after Michael Jackson's kids now that he's passed away? Will it be Debbie Rowe? We don't even know who Blanket's mother is.
—Lalagrrl84, via Twitter

As of right now, Jackson family matriarch Katherine is caring for Prince Michael, 12, Paris, 11, and Prince Michael II, also known as "Blanket," age 7. To be clear, Debbie Rowe is the mother of the two older children, but the name of Blanket's mom has never been released.

Family attorney Brian Oxman has indicated the arrangement with Katherine may be made permanent: "Probably Mrs. Jackson will take care of them, she loves them dearly," Oxman told Radar. But if Rowe decides to make a bid for at least the two children she carried, she has quite a case, too...

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ABC/Adam Larkey

I watched Ed depart from The Bachelorette, and it got me thinking: What do reality contestants do about work? If I told my boss I needed 12 weeks off to shoot a secret reality show, it wouldn't go over well.
—Katie P., via the Answer B!tch inbox

As sad as it sounds, some people consider appearing on the teevee a once-in-a-lifetime dream, an opportunity not to be missed, no matter what the cost. And that includes the ability to pay rent. Some reality-show contestants have said they took unpaid leave or vacation time to appear on a reality show.

Contestants who can't get a break from their bosses have been known to simply quit.

Sometimes the fallout extends to the bosses of the people who compete. Take the case of the boss who got fired for letting an employee appear on The Bachelor:

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Universal Pictures

Johnny Depp is all over the posters for this Public Enemies movie. But Christian Bale is MIA. Shouldn't he be on the posters, too?
—Vanessa P.

Apparently when you have the option of showing Johnny Depp staring off into the middle distance and looking iconic, you don't need a second actor staring off into the middle distance and looking iconic. Not unless that second person carries the exact same, or better, commercial draw as Johnny Depp.

Christian Bale does not. You may think Bale does. You may want Bale to. But if that's the case, too bad for you. You're wrong.

How can I say with such certainty? Easy. Numbers. Look:

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Lori Shepler- Pool/Getty Images

Chris Brown is not going to jail for beating Rihanna! Do celebrities always get a better deal because they are famous?
—Paola, Brazil

According to some criminal defense attorneys, Brown's fame may have worked against him in crafting the plea deal he cut with prosecutors yesterday. Yes, that's despite the fact that he allegedly made anchovy-paste pie out of Rihanna's face and may have used a car dashboard in a serious attempt to flatten her skull.

Furthermore, there is a chance, albeit a small one, that Brown may do jail time after all...

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Us Weekly

Some time ago, the Answer Bitch answered the big question that might be on your mind right now, given today's news...

If Jon and Kate get a divorce, how would child support work for eight kids?
—Holly, Salt Lake City

If you're asking whether a parent can get a discount of eight for the price of six, the answer is, technically, yeah.

First things first, though. For the record, Jon Gosselin has denied he had an affair—despite rather explicit evidence related in Us Weekly—and wife Kate appeared on the Today show to declare that she's "very hesitant to believe" that her man has cheated.

"We're doing our best and learning how to go," she said.

If the two "stars" of Jon & Kate Plus 8 decide that the best way to go is a divorce, then child support for eight kids growing up on basic cable gets really interesting.

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James Breeden, ©PacificCoastNews.com

If I try to profit from a celeb's image by, say, selling T-shirts advocating "Paris Gave Me Speidi," could I be sued?
—the_wackness, via Twitter

See, I don't even know what that phrase means.

But your answer is this: If you actually made that T-shirt, and Speidi wanted to sue, it could, and it would probably win. (And the "it" is not a misprint.)

The reasoning behind that statement is generally referred to by lawyers as "right of publicity," and if Speidi loves anything more than itself, it's publicity...

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