Politically Indirect

The prez prepares for another possible split with the first wife-unit, while Paula Abdul channels her inner Bunny...it's pretty hairy, too, you gotta check it out. Plus, Rosie's content while surfin' the love boat—or so it seems. Hey, everybody's supercrafty today, babes!

Where There's Smoke...

Upcoming and past smoldering issues include: the anticipated somewhat high-larious flick Pineapple Express. Caught an anatomically spoofing screening here in T-town. Judd Apatow, who produced Knocked Up and Superbad, teamed up again with Seth Rogen in this flick that's essentially about the perils of smoking the funny stuff...you know, that crap I and a heap of other folks think should be legalized already. RogAtow are clearly a fresher version of the Wilson/Stiller terror team, but I don’t think the film was quite as funny as their big ones prior. It’s def entertaining with some amusing-as-hell one-liners (the one about God's vagina is my par-tick fave), but it just dragged a tad except for...to my delish surprise, humpo hunk of a dealer James Franco who, without question, was the one holding it all down on screen, much the same way...

Laura Bush keeps that idiot she’s married to in line, so blab my sources inside 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue who insist L.B. has no plans, thus far, to legally ditch her warmongering hubby, dammit. Kinda was hoping that stint when L moved out of the White House might have knocked some see-the-light sense into the broad, but no. However, for a socially finagling gal, L’s decision has been sound. Hear from deep inside Desk DeeCee that L.B. plans on residing in Dallas once she leaves Washington (as has been discussed previously, certainly by this columnist), most likely in posh-ass Highland Park—more on those deets later.

But here’s the smart part: Dubya will remain almost entirely on their Crawford ranch, far away from the wife-unit, supposedly while he works on his memoirs, “or whatever it is he’ll do there,” sassed Desk D. Drink, maybe? Whatever. The president will not be in Dallas, along with his spouse, I am assured by those who are paid to protect, in so many ways, these tax-paid cretins. I still say divorce is a far better form of separation from someone who’s been so hideous—and that’s just to his friggin’ constituency—but Laura’s no avaricious, position-addicted dummy. She’s simply perf for H.P., my old hometown! Not exactly anxious to get rid of her spousal royal gig, either, I imagine would be...

Rosie O’Donnell’s wife, Kelli Carpenter. Despite those pesky de-mance rumors, looks like all may be well between the two hon-pies—or so it seems. A passenger on board the Norwegian Dawn cruise ship, which plays host to a gay and lesbian travel company associated with ROD, saw the couple together and said “they all seemed pretty happy, actually.” Their oldest kid, Parker, was working on the big boat of same-sex fun, and he, too, appeared to be in festive spirits, we’re assured. Howev, must admit, a first mate on the ship snit-noted that he saw more of Kellie and the kiddies than of Rosie. “She would get mobbed when she left the cabin.” Whatev. Just hope the gal duo aren’t simply putting up a Ben and Jen type front—although a family vacay seems more legit than a staged double date at Nobu.